Home Again

Okie doke. Here I am. Home again. I feel I should write something pithy and bubbly. Um. I smell good? Kinda lemony. I bought lots of fruits and vegetables.  I drove in from Kelowna today and despite the entire provincial road system being under construction - it was lovely.  Talked briefly to the Empress to tell her I have her lip gloss hostage and to hear the insanely good news about The Empress of the North. Okay everyone, visualize a green light... Checked in with the Shooter who is doing something mysterious and businessy on the Eastern Seaboard.  My basil died (no surprise). Now must email those Flash Forward Alum of Team Momentum who are skipping tomorrow's team meeting and give them some love. Well, maybe after a nap on the purple velvet couch with the fan on Hi. Will write on next short script post nap...really...zzzzzzzzzzz

Banff 2009 - Favorite Things

• Snow falling as I turned off Hwy 1 to Banff
  
• Dancing with Mr. Mystery at the BBQ
  
• Walking into a room of 800 strangers alone and picking the Producer out of the crowd in less than 5 minutes
  
• The Producer being even nicer than I thought he would be
  
• The weird wi fi access that forced me out of my room and into the foyer, where I had to engage with the world
  
• Getting Paul Gross to autograph my copy of Passchendale
  
• Paul Gross’s delightful interview
  
• Paul Gross’s terrible weave for the Gunslinger
  
• Everything Paul Gross
  
• The shocked look on the face of the head of the Shaw Fund’s face when I told her my hand injury was from shark bite
  
• The Empress’ success
  
• Thankful I packed socks
  
• The Flash Forward flock approaching through the lobby – Mr Mystery and the Empress expected, Shooter and Delicious a wonderful surprise
  
• Having my weekly Flash Forward assignment to do “something outrageous” be so outrageous that I can’t put it in writing cause that would be evidence
  
• The great bathtub in my little jewel box of a hotel room under the eaves
  
• The petite Ramsey’s Lounge and its handsome and accommodating bartenders
  
• Drinking too many Strongbow and laughing too loudly with Delicious and Shooter in the middle of the afternoon
  
• The kindness of strangers – including the agents!
  
• The long gloaming and twilight of the mountains nearing solstice
  
• Learning to navigate the labyrinth that is this extraordinary hotel
  
• The cut of Ron Moore’s suit (Battlestar Galactica, Roswell, etc.) and his revival of the usage of the word ‘frack’
  
• The gift of a large bourbon and useful poker tips from the Appalachian Princess
  
• Joe Novak’s Rookie Forum
  
• All the surprised and delighted comments on Po’s graphic design of both my card and the Rain Girls two sheet
  
• Grabbing the courage to pitch to the CTV exec at the Women in the Director’s chair launch party
  
• The CTV exec liking the pitch and asking for materials to forward to Space
  
• The cheese burger with the million dollar view in the Rundle Lounge
  
• So excited about my Rain Girls two sheet I made everyone at the table take one, including the reluctant friend of Mr. Mystery’s, only to discover later she is a big development exec - oops, should remember to ASK people before shoving paper
  
• Someone with a biz card with a 30 Rockefeller Centre NY address asking for my permission to forward the Rain Girls pitch to the “West Coast group” 
  
• The great rah-rah emails and Facebook posts from absent friends
  
• A goodbye hug from a development exec
  
• Feeling frackable just about every moment of every day!
  

Banff June 10 - 4:17 a.m.

Ah the entertainment business – where the line between the personal and the professional can be very blurred indeed. As a young struggling actor, I don’t think a single person ever told me that the success of my career would be dependant on my ability to form and maintain relationships. Suppose that might be the reason it never went any where to speak of. In the past month I think I’ve heard my career is dependant on my ability to form and maintain friendly relations from about a million people, oh, about 6 trillion times. Now, I don’t suck at relationships exactly.  Most people, I think, find me loyal and sincere and fun at parties. However I am most comfortable having a couple dozen relationships. Dozen family, dozen friends and for arguments sake another dozen work friends. I do recognize that these million people aren’t saying that I need to be intimate with each and everyone of them. They are saying though that not only do I need to remember their names, but I need to know about their marital status, kids, pets, hobbies, taste in wine, preference for boxers or briefs – as well as memorizing their resumes, box office, market share and relevant charity interests.  Fair enough.  Where I’m supposed to find time to write with all this researching and cataloguing of personal facts I am a long way from figuring out. As to where to draw the lines…not sure I’ll ever be capable of doing that in any kind of way that makes sense to anyone, particularly myself. I’m sort of an all or nothing kind of girl.  You are either on my bus or you are off my bus.  I’ll either do anything for you, or don’t give a rat’s ass.

My first Banff is drawing to a close. I’ll never be a Rookie in the Rockies again. The experience has certainly been transformative; in ways both predictable and totally shocking.  It was both what I expected and beyond my wildest imagination. I expected to meet people and network and get contacts and share ideas.  What I didn’t expect was what it would be like to be isolated in one of the planet’s most extraordinary landscapes at an iconic hotel with 800 people who all care as passionately about a-good-tale-well-told as I do.  The thing that happened to me beginning at Flash Forward has been picking up speed like a freight train at Banff and hurtling me into a tomorrow full of promise and terror is…is what? I’ve been staring at the cursor blinking in the middle of that sentence for 10 minutes. Maybe I should just go to sleep. It is after all 4:27 a.m. and I still have one more big pitch tomorrow. But I’m not comfortable. I have thoughts and feelings about myself and others that are making me profoundly uncomfortable. Feelings that are alien to me.  I seem to give a rat’s ass about far too many of these people.  Their stories fascinate me. Every time someone opens their mouth I learn something new. Yep, you read that right. Ms. Know-it-all and happy-to-tell-you about it feels sixteen again, profoundly alive and deeply terrified of what the future holds.  Good thing I have a long drive to think on these things because right now I don’t recognize what is in my head nor my heart nor even my reflection in the mirror. 

Quick and Dirty

This just a quick and dirty post as I should be at the CBC opening cocktail and instead had a panic attack at the crowds and ducked into the tiny little lounge near my room for some Dutch Courage and a snack.  Large woman can't be seen to eat at a cocktail party.  Sigh. Was that my Mother's voice? Besides, bartender Llyam (the old irish Liam) has mastered the Fear-of-Commitment. Calamari was awesome with capers and lemon and those tiny little olives - much more authentic Italy than last night's  Carabonara log.  Seem to be having some trouble hitting my stride here kids. I introduced myself to two table mates just before the opening keynote (both women) and if you can picture lead ballon with puzzled embarassed looks  - they both shook my hand - fairly gently, but looked mortified like they might catch something - and then sooo Canadian - didn't laugh at my "Sharkbite" comment likely fearful that I was actually serious.  Okay Shaw blah blah fund, whomever they work for - not gonna have me on their "must work with list" Maybe next year I'll hire Buttercup and Leading Man to come with as my entourage. Hey free luxury time in Banff - producers everywhere - and actor's wet dream, not?

Okay. Enough avoidance. Will sign bill. Will pitstop in room to dump laptop and stagger to the next building. will take glass of beer and find a wall to prop up. trying to look f***able. (that was the dirty part)

Wow, do I miss My Boys

And no, I am not referring to small children or assorted pets that I’ve kept in a secret cupboard under the stairs for years and years. I mean my Boys, my guys, my posse of mostly younger sexy smart  men who have entered the Cocoverse at various points in my checkered career and due to their unswerving devotion and unflagging amusement at all things Carolynne still pop up from time to time to lend a hug and a hand where required.

Mostly when I miss them it is the hugs that I miss.  They all give the absolute best of the best hugs.  One of the standards of admission to the club really.  They throw their arms open and step right on in.  None of this A-frame shoulder squeezing pseudo hug crap.  If you don’t get an “ooof” or a sigh of contentment, or best of all a faint crackle of vertebra popping, you ain’t doing it right. Some of them even have the strength and enthusiasm to lift me off my feet. Yep, you read that right some young men are soooo happy to see me that they assume the strength of ten men. Some of them even have the courage to hug me that full-hearted way in front of their women. Well, maybe a little more briefly. The correct length is between 5-7 steamboats by the way.  In truth if you don’t feel you can achieve the standard of hug I’m looking for, I’d prefer a couple of cheek kisses and we can all pretend we are very continental and sophisticated.

The girlfriend hugs are nice in theory, but they always leave me feeling like a bit of a dancing bear.  They are all so teeny and breakable. Girlfriends give the best rah-rah emails though – lots of CAPS and smiley faces and exclamation points and chick power slogans.

All this rumination on my absent friends is because I’m feeling a bit exposed up here in the mountains.  Suddenly feeling like base camp is too far behind and the air is a bit thin and when did I sign up for summiting solo?

You may have noted that earlier when referring to My Boys I said “mostly when I miss them” that means that this time, this day the hug would be super, but mostly I NEED TECHNICAL SUPPORT! That is the other thing my boys bring, calm assured manipulation of the zeros and ones until suddenly I can bloody well do what bloody well needs to be done. Like solve the mystery of why suddenly I can’t get my iPhone pictures to upload to iPhoto I’ve checked and unchecked and rechecked all the freaking boxes and it keeps telling me it is about to replace the pictures on the iPhone with those from iPhoto.  I have done it before, witness the few photo’s I managed to get onto facebook.  I even managed to post one to my sister’s wall. I’m not a total incompetent you know. Or how about Entourage – I find the web support page that tells me how to adjust Entourage so that I can receive from home – except they use Comcast as an example and I am shawmail so I just left that – but nooooo.  So now I’ve probably bloody screwed it up for getting email back home too. ARRRGHHH. Not to mention that webmail won’t download my email from raingirls which is really super as I am about to hand out 500 biz cards with exactly that email address. Not to mention I really ought to replace the pdfs of my CV and the Raingirls one sheet and takedown Gatehouse for another day, but I’ve suddenly developed a fear of my own content management system. Sigh. I guess I can still try phone support. But I bet I doesn’t come with a hug.