I’m afraid.

So there it is. After a long stretch of much silence and occasional random blog ramblings in a vain attempt to assuage your concerns (assuage, your word of the day) the reason I’ve not been writing. I’m afraid. You’re right to be concerned. I have been.

And somewhere I picked up this idea that I am blogging to entertain and enlighten you all about the trials and tribulations of creation. If I’m not doing that, then there is nothing to post. I forgot that the core reason I’m exploring the trials and tribulations of the aforesaid creative struggle is to put a pin in it for myself and if you get any spill over benefit super.

So the timer is set for one pomodoro (www.pomodorotechnique.com) and I will post what ever wanders out of my brain and onto the page. For you see I am preparing for a week of perfection. I have promised myself that every morning I will rise with joy and determination and I will live each day perfectly. For me that means 9-10 hours sleep – good coffee, guitar, exercise, reading, writing, good wine and interacting with someone I like. That is a perfect day. You can interpret the word “interacting” in any way that you’d like.

I’m finding my way back. Sometimes I just overwhelmed by all the stories charging around in my head and then I get frustrated at how long it takes for me to get the ideas on the page and then disappointed that I’m letting myself and others down and so the spiral continues. It’s alright though, I’m not complaining or asking for sympathy, it is just the way it is and I am on the ramp with the sack of manure on my shoulder trudging back up the spiral.

I fell down. Now I’m back on my feet. View is nicer from here. Can see the horizon and the tree-line and on a clear night the second star on the right and straight on till morning.

Part of me will be in Banff all week. Smiling, laughing, telling stories, listening to hopes and dreams and visions, pitchin’, dealin’, seducing, being seduced. Part of me stays here. In my head with you and Moosie, who has promised to keep the Drill Sgt. Critic shut in her cupboard while I finish a script or two. He may only be a miniature stuffed moose sporting a Canadian Tenors t-shirt but he is fierce in the defence of loved ones.

I’m still afraid – that I’m not smart enough, talented enough, passionate enough, prepared enough. That doesn’t let me off the hook though, does it? Fortune favours the brave they say. And if you aren’t a bit afraid, it’s not really brave, now is it?

Practice. Patience. Perseverance. Passion. Playfulness.