B Minor Blues

Given that I’ve been silent for 7 days, I do feel an intense pressure behind my eyes (wait, maybe that’s sinus?) to write. Since I do have 2, 3 or even as many as 5 of you that check in regularly to see my white bread good catholic girl attempts to shock and amaze you, for you dear, dear friends, I will write something. I suppose as much as anything it is me writing about not writing.

The thing of it is. Writing is energy. And, as a writer, if I were a star (like a real gas ball in the night sky) I would not be a Yellow G (like our Sun) or a White Dwarf (I wish) or a Red Giant (though I often feel like one), maybe a Binary Pulsar or, let’s face it even a whole nebula – Orion I think – its shape reminds me of me dancing in my youth. Nebula, yah that's it a big amorphous cloud of cosmic dust with a few wanna be stars staggering around inside - that sounds like me. The whole point of that little wander into the cosmos is that I’m not a steady source of heat and light. God knows I try to be. It’s been drummed into my head since birth that that is the preferred way to be.

When I have the B Minor Blues or the Mean Reds as Holly Golightly so accurately described them. I need to contract my Wah. And I know I should define “Wah” for you but I am too tired – go read an Eric Van Lustbader novel and find out. Survival demands that whatever words I can generate in a day must go to the service of the paycheck. And so they do. No apology, just the way it is. A blip to be sure because my life is fracking fabulous in all dimensions and I will get it together soon and get back to the 14 hour days of joyful writing. But not today, today I wish I had a boyfriend or a pet or even a teddy bear to curl up on the couch with and snuggle. Hah! I can’t believe I actually typed the word snuggle with reference to myself! Nope. Today will go to bed early, repeat my positive thinking mantra three times, blow my nose and lights out. My life rocks, I just need a little quiet time to catch the beat again.

Oh yah, why B minor – because that is the chord that is the current bane of my existence, the Great Wall of China, the Maginot Line, the Rubicon. Well, I’ll try it again tomorrow, since tomorrow is after all, another day.