So I’ve been doing it again. Last few days. Thinking around things instead of at them then thru them. Not writing much because I’m afraid that instead of writing what I want I’ll write what I need. Might be better writing, but it hurts more and commands a smaller paycheck.
It is another Saturday night. “Date Night” as one of my friends likes to call it. The night she claims that all plans with girlfriends are instantly cancelable if you get a last minute offer from a guy. Another Saturday night and instead of experiencing love I’m hanging around my over-priced studio apartment trying to write about it.
Mind you given my powers of imagination and legendary memory perhaps writing about it for me is superior to experiencing it in the flesh for many. Still, I just watched a romantic comedy with two charming leads witch left me cold at the end because it still all came down to him loving her because she was fucking gorgeous even though she was a bitchy, neurotic control freak. So there you go beautiful ladies, lesson is that even if your personality sucks ass you’ll still get the guy.
Sorry, just feeling kind of weird today so if you stick with reading this post please do be prepared for anything. I’ve decided to try and write my way out of this mood since exercise, guitar playing, tasty dinner, mindless TV and a martini have done little to distract from the thought that I’m missing something.
It’s like I’m roaming around this big mansion in my head, opening and closing doors. Looking for something. Here picking up a book, reading a couple pages and putting it down. There staring out the window, or rather at the window watching the rain drops skip and slither down the glass. In the kitchen rummaging thru the refrigerator only to end up with a lunch of some stale crackers and brie of questionable vintage. Oh well, at least the last scrap of apricot jam and a couple forgotten slices of proscuttio made it momentarily festive.
The trouble is, the thing that I am looking for is a thought. There is something out there that I should be thinking about and I’m avoiding it. Maybe it is the self-evaluation for my job that I have to do before Monday. Maybe I just don’t have the courage to self evaluate right now. What I really want is a neck rub and someone to take out the garbage and recycling.
Maybe it is early onset of the Olympic hangover. The energy in this city has been truly nutty and mostly euphoric for weeks now and the crash of closing night is just around the corner. Strangely the performers among us are most likely to cope. Closing night blues are a very real phenom they have to deal with all the time. For those of us Vancouverites bumped out of the hum-drum of our safe and prosperous every day, the come down is going to be hard. I wonder how many jobs will be quit in a huff or relationships collapse or if the incidence of bar brawls with increase?
There we go, that would be a bit of my latent Catholicism life-is-a-vale-of-tears thing coming out. Or my bipolar experience. I expect a crash after the high. Maybe though that is just me and something that doesn’t actually happen so much to normal people.
Since I can’t seem to find the big thought that is escaping me maybe I’ll just stick with the small things of the day. Listening to two new Canadians of diverse ethnic origin sharing joyful thoughts in heavily accented English about tomorrow’s gold medal hockey game. It may not be my sport of choice but is certainly is something that helps people identify themselves as Canadian. It made me smile. It is after all is said and done and its many flaws tallied, still the very best country in the world. I feel deeply and profoundly blessed to be Canadian. Lucky, lucky girl.
And my gym? What’s to complain about that? Though as is usual on days when my head refused to stay attached to my shoulders, me actually getting there was pretty touch and go. But go I did. Hey, it is right in my building and it’s just been reno’d! They even put in a proper spongy floor so the noise of the big boys dropping weights doesn’t rattle your fillings loose.
Just so you know, I’m totally not complaining about anything. I have useful work. Safety, security, prosperity and some where in every single day I have love and joy and surprise. Okay well maybe I am complaining lack of neck rub, but if that is seriously the biggest lack in my life then I am maybe not the poster child for perfection, but a serious runner-up. Okay, maybe fifth place.
And look at that. Still lots of time for a hot bath and a bit of reading before bed in the big freshly sheeted chocolate schmoorr bed of healing and good dreams.
Until tomorrow my friends, sleep well and dream of angels.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Fear of Success, there you are my old friend
... peaking round the corner. Saying Hey! in order to win this TV Pitch competition at PitchMarket 2010 Vancouver you have to beat two people who are sort of friends. Okay not really, bosum buddy friends, but guys I like alot. Jeepers. And so very many opportunities between now and then to share my love all over the place while neglecting my preparations.
Nope. Friends and family give me a 14 day by please. I can do this. I really can.
Nope. Friends and family give me a 14 day by please. I can do this. I really can.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Ah, Resistance ...
... did you really think you fooled me? Alright. I can understand why. But you haven't you know not really. While you parade the bright and shiny accomplishments of friends, family, and, lately, Olympians. I am still here. Still dreaming. Still working away. Knowing that I'm only a head fake away from beating you to the basket.
It is so very easy to get caught up in other people's stuff. Yet so crucial to push for one's own. That horrifying B word - BALANCE.
It is so very easy to get caught up in other people's stuff. Yet so crucial to push for one's own. That horrifying B word - BALANCE.
More Random Thoughts
“There are so many great things to do with the human mouth, why waste them on talking?” Not sure what writer of “How I Met Your Mother” to credit for that, but great, great! Right up there with my own response to the question, “Do you smoke?” my answer? “No, I have better things to do with my mouth.”
So excited by the NBC news coverage of the Vancouver Olympic Winter Games and the child-like joy of the journalists and broadcasters to discover the magnificence of Vancouver and the far north of the Pacific Northwest. What, did you think we were kidding? We live in heaven. Thanks for joining us.
So excited by the NBC news coverage of the Vancouver Olympic Winter Games and the child-like joy of the journalists and broadcasters to discover the magnificence of Vancouver and the far north of the Pacific Northwest. What, did you think we were kidding? We live in heaven. Thanks for joining us.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Hallelujah and Me - Via Leonard Cohen
What is the deal with this song? First of all, how could I have been Canadian for my entire life and not have been aware of this song until I heard the Canadian Tenors version of the song not quite a year ago. Then it starts to get weird.
I announce to my guitar teacher that, “I must learn this song.” And HE’D never heard I before. And he is a real deal composer and serious been around the block guitar player. That was last August. So we’ve been working on the song on and off ever since.
Last guitar lesson, he wants to get serious about working on the song. I have the somewhat predictable Fminor block witch means nothing at all to you who’ve not attempted mastery of the guitar. It isn’t’ the easiest song for a beginner suffice it to say.
Weirdly, though his inspiration to push on the song came from KD Lang’s performance of the piece at the Olympic Games Opening Ceremony. The last major composing project my teacher worked on was with someone who had produced more than half of KD Lang’s recordings. So that gave him a push, not to mention that I had been torturing the piece for six month in lessons.
Even weirder. I was feeling melancholy watching the 2010 Olympic Games Opening Ceremonies as I was just beginning to realize that the Canadian Tenors, had most likely performed the non-televised pre-show. So I’m sitting on my couch playing “Hallelujah” and suddenly KD Lang arises on top a big white drum and starts givin’ er.
It was strange. And quite frankly, unpleasant. Nothing against KD’s performance which was as dig down deep and heartfelt as it comes. But I wasn’t my boys version and, truth to tell, it wasn’t my version. I don’t mean that to be prideful. Especially since I discover that Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah is one of the most covered songs. Reason for that has nothing to do with Leonard Cohen’s celeb. Sorry Leonard. It has to do with the brilliance of the song as a piece of music and poetry.
It’s a great song, no doubt. But why is so suddenly mine? And why does it seem to spring up on me everywhere? That I don’t know. It appears in the movie The Watchman and tonight, as I was channel surfing in the movie St. Ralph. Which really hit me in the head and heart hard as I’d been practicing the blessed thing all day.
Seriously I have played and practiced this song nearly every day for months. I can't go to sleep at night till I've heard it.
So what is it with me and this song?
I announce to my guitar teacher that, “I must learn this song.” And HE’D never heard I before. And he is a real deal composer and serious been around the block guitar player. That was last August. So we’ve been working on the song on and off ever since.
Last guitar lesson, he wants to get serious about working on the song. I have the somewhat predictable Fminor block witch means nothing at all to you who’ve not attempted mastery of the guitar. It isn’t’ the easiest song for a beginner suffice it to say.
Weirdly, though his inspiration to push on the song came from KD Lang’s performance of the piece at the Olympic Games Opening Ceremony. The last major composing project my teacher worked on was with someone who had produced more than half of KD Lang’s recordings. So that gave him a push, not to mention that I had been torturing the piece for six month in lessons.
Even weirder. I was feeling melancholy watching the 2010 Olympic Games Opening Ceremonies as I was just beginning to realize that the Canadian Tenors, had most likely performed the non-televised pre-show. So I’m sitting on my couch playing “Hallelujah” and suddenly KD Lang arises on top a big white drum and starts givin’ er.
It was strange. And quite frankly, unpleasant. Nothing against KD’s performance which was as dig down deep and heartfelt as it comes. But I wasn’t my boys version and, truth to tell, it wasn’t my version. I don’t mean that to be prideful. Especially since I discover that Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah is one of the most covered songs. Reason for that has nothing to do with Leonard Cohen’s celeb. Sorry Leonard. It has to do with the brilliance of the song as a piece of music and poetry.
It’s a great song, no doubt. But why is so suddenly mine? And why does it seem to spring up on me everywhere? That I don’t know. It appears in the movie The Watchman and tonight, as I was channel surfing in the movie St. Ralph. Which really hit me in the head and heart hard as I’d been practicing the blessed thing all day.
Seriously I have played and practiced this song nearly every day for months. I can't go to sleep at night till I've heard it.
So what is it with me and this song?
Monday, February 15, 2010
Hydrogen Hydroxide Please
Okay, note to self. Hydrate better when working at home. I went to the gym with much less HOH in the tank than usual and thought I was gonna throw up at the end there a minute. Definitely one of those workouts where the endorphin train never got out of the station. Ooofff.
Alright, now, as I was such a good girl and telecommuted properly today, I missed the men’s downhill quals(my very favorite event) so now must navigate a minefield of info to try and find a channel playing the finals without tipping me as to the outcome.
Then I will work on my Rain Girls beat sheet and seriously get that script moving along. Kind of a relief not to have to work on the rom com for a few weeks. A high-school love triangle a kidnapping and assorted alien skullduggery is much more what the post-v-day-blues require for the snapping out of a totally useless and indeed harmful self-pity.
But first will pound some serious hydrogen hydroxide.
Alright, now, as I was such a good girl and telecommuted properly today, I missed the men’s downhill quals(my very favorite event) so now must navigate a minefield of info to try and find a channel playing the finals without tipping me as to the outcome.
Then I will work on my Rain Girls beat sheet and seriously get that script moving along. Kind of a relief not to have to work on the rom com for a few weeks. A high-school love triangle a kidnapping and assorted alien skullduggery is much more what the post-v-day-blues require for the snapping out of a totally useless and indeed harmful self-pity.
But first will pound some serious hydrogen hydroxide.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
7 chances for love
So. Tonight this just about turned into a big rant about Valentine's day and love and all kinds of horrifying stats spewed out by National Geographic channel.
Instead I stopped. Saved the rant into the "not posted" folder and reconsidered.
I have a new toothbrush. It makes me hopeful it is a Crest spin brush and sounds oddly like a didgeridoo, but boy after you use it you sure know your teeth and gums have been well loved.
One of the stats the NG threw out tonight was that we would each experience love an average of seven times. Good news for me, that's for sure. I am certain it has been once, confident that it has been 4 ... Hah! and if you asked me about today. Like this very single day? I would confirm that there are at least three lovely men I would go out of my way for and at least 3 more waiting in the wings. So that was seven at one time, right?
I didn't write today. Other than this. I was afraid. I was afraid to face the day. I was afraid to face love. When I write, love comes to me, whether I will it or no. So I spent the day sorting receipts, cheering atheletes, reading the book club book, going to the gym. Anything and everything to not write.
Writing you see, is the only place that I experience love as opposed to observing it. So for today, I will say goodnight. Tomorrow, I will write.
Instead I stopped. Saved the rant into the "not posted" folder and reconsidered.
I have a new toothbrush. It makes me hopeful it is a Crest spin brush and sounds oddly like a didgeridoo, but boy after you use it you sure know your teeth and gums have been well loved.
One of the stats the NG threw out tonight was that we would each experience love an average of seven times. Good news for me, that's for sure. I am certain it has been once, confident that it has been 4 ... Hah! and if you asked me about today. Like this very single day? I would confirm that there are at least three lovely men I would go out of my way for and at least 3 more waiting in the wings. So that was seven at one time, right?
I didn't write today. Other than this. I was afraid. I was afraid to face the day. I was afraid to face love. When I write, love comes to me, whether I will it or no. So I spent the day sorting receipts, cheering atheletes, reading the book club book, going to the gym. Anything and everything to not write.
Writing you see, is the only place that I experience love as opposed to observing it. So for today, I will say goodnight. Tomorrow, I will write.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Canadian Tenors – Breaking Big
Now I do recognize that some of you might be thinking this is now the Canadian Tenor’s blog 24/7. However it is not. It is about the art and craft of writing as seen through the lens of me. Thus, it is a reflection of what is going on in my head and what in my life influences my art. I love it when I get to use the word “thus” – it brings such a pomposity and gravitas to an otherwise mild-mannered sentence.
This week the boys are more than usually present in my life, thoughts and even geographically. Do you know that the boyfriend of one of my co-workers called her from BC Place yesterday to specifically NOT tell her that four famous people just walked by him and one of them said “Hi” to him. Of course, he couldn’t tell her who they were, so she went ahead and guessed. Since she’d been at the dress rehearsal for the Olympic Opening Ceremony on Monday and had watched the four stand-ins for these famous folks, she was fully equipped to shout out “It’s the Canadian Tenors”. Worst kept secret in town kids. After the phone call she raced to tell me. What delighted me the most was not that I got to know what they were up to, since I sorta already guessed, but her excitement at sharing the news and the fact that her boyfriend called them “famous people”. Yah, I guess they are kinda. And after appearing on Oprah yesterday and the Olympics tomorrow, the whole world is gonna know them as famous people. Mind you, the world really should know them by now since they’ve been to 5 continents in the past year. Rats. Now getting tickets to their shows really is going to be impossible.
The Canadian Tenors are breaking big. If I had a dime for every person who told me, with a slightly dazed expression on their face, that “Gee, they really are great.” or “I don’t usually like that type of thing but they are good.” Or “I’m surprised how much I liked them.” “The harmonies are amazing.” “What great voices.” Well if I had a dime for all that I’d have enough to pay for my next concert ticket. Me? I’m not surprised. Me? I’m smug. That’s me Ms. Smuggie SmugFace. I TOLD you they were amazing.
I had the privilege of experiencing the Canadian Tenors be amazing once again last Monday night at a Surry Arts Centre performance that was sold out months in advance. And I use the word “experience” because “seeing and hearing” is a woefully inadequate phrase. I went all by my lonesome and it was anything but. That crowd was happy to see those guys and those guys were glad to be home. A joyful musical mutual love fest ensued. The ovation after their rendition of “The Prayer” was so enthusiastic it brought out a mock apology, “Gee sorry you guys didn’t like that one.” Yah, we liked it alright. And that silence you heard from the crowd after Fraser Walters finished singing his solo “Homeward Bound” was so thick and liquid I forgot to breathe for a minute. I suspect I was not the only one.
Though all in all I’m a little ticked after the fact cause they got me feeling all happy and generous. What happened then as I’m sitting in my little intermission glow is that the CDs for sale in the lobby sold out and the women sitting next to me were crestfallen. So I go and give them the copy of “The Perfect Gift” I brought to get signed. Or I actually tried to give it to them. What’s up with that goofy impulse to give strangers something I spent my hard earned cash on and give up adding to my collection of signed copies, a signed copy for every concert. I was on a roll. Stupid endorphins.
Of course they wouldn’t accept the gift and tried to pay me, but I insisted that I hadn’t paid 20 bucks for it (true, cheaper on-line http://bit.ly/b8jpLQ ) and had no change (a lie, I’m such a liar). So in a flash of inspiration I said, donate the 20 to Voices for Bulembu, the boys charity, the web address is in the liner notes of the CD (http://www.voicesforbulembu.com/ ). So much for inspiration, she forced the 20 on me and asked me to donate to the charity for her as she didn’t have a computer. Cripes. So now I’m out a CD and a souvenir and I have to go to all the trouble of donating the money to charity and I told a lie. Stupid, stupid endorphins. Maybe I should stick with exercise and chocolate. And wine. Wine is good.
But I won’t. The Canadian Tenors are breaking big and I’m going to enjoy my reign as Ms Smuggie IToldYouSo Smugface too much to give them up now. So I guess I’ll just have to shut up and suffer through the fact that they made me an “Instrument of Peace”, just for a few seconds mind you and just 20 bucks worth. Damn signed CD collection just collects dust anyways.
This week the boys are more than usually present in my life, thoughts and even geographically. Do you know that the boyfriend of one of my co-workers called her from BC Place yesterday to specifically NOT tell her that four famous people just walked by him and one of them said “Hi” to him. Of course, he couldn’t tell her who they were, so she went ahead and guessed. Since she’d been at the dress rehearsal for the Olympic Opening Ceremony on Monday and had watched the four stand-ins for these famous folks, she was fully equipped to shout out “It’s the Canadian Tenors”. Worst kept secret in town kids. After the phone call she raced to tell me. What delighted me the most was not that I got to know what they were up to, since I sorta already guessed, but her excitement at sharing the news and the fact that her boyfriend called them “famous people”. Yah, I guess they are kinda. And after appearing on Oprah yesterday and the Olympics tomorrow, the whole world is gonna know them as famous people. Mind you, the world really should know them by now since they’ve been to 5 continents in the past year. Rats. Now getting tickets to their shows really is going to be impossible.
The Canadian Tenors are breaking big. If I had a dime for every person who told me, with a slightly dazed expression on their face, that “Gee, they really are great.” or “I don’t usually like that type of thing but they are good.” Or “I’m surprised how much I liked them.” “The harmonies are amazing.” “What great voices.” Well if I had a dime for all that I’d have enough to pay for my next concert ticket. Me? I’m not surprised. Me? I’m smug. That’s me Ms. Smuggie SmugFace. I TOLD you they were amazing.
I had the privilege of experiencing the Canadian Tenors be amazing once again last Monday night at a Surry Arts Centre performance that was sold out months in advance. And I use the word “experience” because “seeing and hearing” is a woefully inadequate phrase. I went all by my lonesome and it was anything but. That crowd was happy to see those guys and those guys were glad to be home. A joyful musical mutual love fest ensued. The ovation after their rendition of “The Prayer” was so enthusiastic it brought out a mock apology, “Gee sorry you guys didn’t like that one.” Yah, we liked it alright. And that silence you heard from the crowd after Fraser Walters finished singing his solo “Homeward Bound” was so thick and liquid I forgot to breathe for a minute. I suspect I was not the only one.
Though all in all I’m a little ticked after the fact cause they got me feeling all happy and generous. What happened then as I’m sitting in my little intermission glow is that the CDs for sale in the lobby sold out and the women sitting next to me were crestfallen. So I go and give them the copy of “The Perfect Gift” I brought to get signed. Or I actually tried to give it to them. What’s up with that goofy impulse to give strangers something I spent my hard earned cash on and give up adding to my collection of signed copies, a signed copy for every concert. I was on a roll. Stupid endorphins.
Of course they wouldn’t accept the gift and tried to pay me, but I insisted that I hadn’t paid 20 bucks for it (true, cheaper on-line http://bit.ly/b8jpLQ ) and had no change (a lie, I’m such a liar). So in a flash of inspiration I said, donate the 20 to Voices for Bulembu, the boys charity, the web address is in the liner notes of the CD (http://www.voicesforbulembu.com/ ). So much for inspiration, she forced the 20 on me and asked me to donate to the charity for her as she didn’t have a computer. Cripes. So now I’m out a CD and a souvenir and I have to go to all the trouble of donating the money to charity and I told a lie. Stupid, stupid endorphins. Maybe I should stick with exercise and chocolate. And wine. Wine is good.
But I won’t. The Canadian Tenors are breaking big and I’m going to enjoy my reign as Ms Smuggie IToldYouSo Smugface too much to give them up now. So I guess I’ll just have to shut up and suffer through the fact that they made me an “Instrument of Peace”, just for a few seconds mind you and just 20 bucks worth. Damn signed CD collection just collects dust anyways.
Punked by Oprah and Celine Dion - The Canadian Tenors
Okay I watched the Oprah show about an hour ago and I am still laughing. The Canadian Tenors. Wow did you guys get got. I'm thinking your pal David Foster had somewhat to do with all that. Seriously you guys got Punked by Oprah and Celine Dion! Gonna live that down? Not any time soon.
Okay I just made an inadvertent quacking sort of snorting noise cause I'm trying not to laugh out loud. Which is stupid because I live alone in a top floor of a concrete building with 16 ft ceiling heights and I'm still worried about waking the neighbours with my mirth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tubL9EaiztM
Celine totally surprises them. Remi doesn't miss a note. She brings in a completely new vocal line and it is please play it again time. Yup. So great. So go away because I'm going to play it again and revel in a gorgeous moment for some young men who give us all so much and make me so proud. Like I had anything at all to do with it! Hah! I crack myself up. Anyway and much more importantly.
The Canadian Tenors are a hot ticket and doing a bunch of Olympic stuff but they will be back in Vancouver Sept 19th for a concert Voices for Bulembu, likely at the Chan Centre at UBC. It is their goal to be able to educate and support 2,000 AIDS orphans in Swaziland by 2020. Their last concert there raised a million dollars. Don't you want to be part of that kind of love? I do.
http://www.voicesforbulembu.com/
To see what happened last year. Check back here for the latest in venue and ticket info and I'll see you in September. Bring your love of music and your heart. Neither will be disappointed.
Okay I just made an inadvertent quacking sort of snorting noise cause I'm trying not to laugh out loud. Which is stupid because I live alone in a top floor of a concrete building with 16 ft ceiling heights and I'm still worried about waking the neighbours with my mirth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tubL9EaiztM
Celine totally surprises them. Remi doesn't miss a note. She brings in a completely new vocal line and it is please play it again time. Yup. So great. So go away because I'm going to play it again and revel in a gorgeous moment for some young men who give us all so much and make me so proud. Like I had anything at all to do with it! Hah! I crack myself up. Anyway and much more importantly.
The Canadian Tenors are a hot ticket and doing a bunch of Olympic stuff but they will be back in Vancouver Sept 19th for a concert Voices for Bulembu, likely at the Chan Centre at UBC. It is their goal to be able to educate and support 2,000 AIDS orphans in Swaziland by 2020. Their last concert there raised a million dollars. Don't you want to be part of that kind of love? I do.
http://www.voicesforbulembu.com/
To see what happened last year. Check back here for the latest in venue and ticket info and I'll see you in September. Bring your love of music and your heart. Neither will be disappointed.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Did you ever notice …
… of things you don’t like there is always too much. Like dirty laundry and dishes and bad TV. Then there are the things of which you never have enough: sleep, free time & hugs are just a few.
So I think I’ll call it early and retire to the dark chocolate bed with the slab of marshmallow mattress and have me some sugar plum dreams. Not that I like sugar. Nor plums all that much either to be truthful. Something maple syrupy would really be much nicer. Ohhhh, I know maple syrup fudge. Yeah, there you go. I can dream about it without guilt cause I am woman who went to gym, cooked a healthy meal, played guitar, wrote and talked with people I love. Now that is some kinda good day.
But bed early. Too late to sleep last night as I didn’t want to give up the last fragrant wisps of beauty. And I think, besides the maple fudge, I’ll also dream of being loved. And of being valued. Maybe I’ll replay all of my office friends passing thru my office today to ask about how the Canadian Tenors concert was. And their true joy in listening to my silly, excessively detailed account of the event. But true, you know, because they love me. So they not only tolerate my silly, they embrace and encourage it. It makes them happy somehow to see me clap my hands like a five-year old and wax rhapsodic about the music and performance and the deep peace and joy the boys always sprinkle, and my concerns over their tiredness and crazy schedule.
See, I don’t want to go to bed tonight either as with the dawn comes the obligation to be present in the world. But sleep I must, for as in this, as in so much else, the Bard is correct.
“Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care. The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath. Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course, Chief nourishier in life's feast.” William Shakespeare
So I may not get roses or kisses this Valentine's Day (bah humbug). But there are those who laugh at my jokes and ask for my advice and who love me for all kinds of silly ephemeral reasons. So I am profoundly grateful for them. And, maybe if I keep up the new 30 workout time I can have a couple pieces of maple fudge. Or a couple peanut butter daisies. MMmmmmm.
So I think I’ll call it early and retire to the dark chocolate bed with the slab of marshmallow mattress and have me some sugar plum dreams. Not that I like sugar. Nor plums all that much either to be truthful. Something maple syrupy would really be much nicer. Ohhhh, I know maple syrup fudge. Yeah, there you go. I can dream about it without guilt cause I am woman who went to gym, cooked a healthy meal, played guitar, wrote and talked with people I love. Now that is some kinda good day.
But bed early. Too late to sleep last night as I didn’t want to give up the last fragrant wisps of beauty. And I think, besides the maple fudge, I’ll also dream of being loved. And of being valued. Maybe I’ll replay all of my office friends passing thru my office today to ask about how the Canadian Tenors concert was. And their true joy in listening to my silly, excessively detailed account of the event. But true, you know, because they love me. So they not only tolerate my silly, they embrace and encourage it. It makes them happy somehow to see me clap my hands like a five-year old and wax rhapsodic about the music and performance and the deep peace and joy the boys always sprinkle, and my concerns over their tiredness and crazy schedule.
See, I don’t want to go to bed tonight either as with the dawn comes the obligation to be present in the world. But sleep I must, for as in this, as in so much else, the Bard is correct.
“Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care. The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath. Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course, Chief nourishier in life's feast.” William Shakespeare
So I may not get roses or kisses this Valentine's Day (bah humbug). But there are those who laugh at my jokes and ask for my advice and who love me for all kinds of silly ephemeral reasons. So I am profoundly grateful for them. And, maybe if I keep up the new 30 workout time I can have a couple pieces of maple fudge. Or a couple peanut butter daisies. MMmmmmm.
I don't want to go to bed - post Canadian Tenors
Cause then it will be tomorrow.
I don't want tomorrow. Today was really nice. People valued me today. People loved me a bit too, I think. Nice, because I love them, so it was a lovely win-win.
But if I go to bed, and I should it is really, really late. My Canadian Tenors will have to fade back to a reality type situation. Never my favorite arrangement, don't you know. But I am going to bed to sleep and dream all the dreams that live within me.
For my boys. No. I am not sick of you seeing you Remi. Are you sick of seeing me? Maybe. Silly. Is one sick of a fine wine? An exquisite painting? Even the tiniest of variations in your performance gives me joy.
I can see you guys are tired and need a rest. JEFFREY please schedule in a rest. Our boys need a rest. All of us who love them will still be here after they rest and return to us refreshed. See? the joy of not having a fan base driven by teenage hormones. We will long for your return and reward your re-appearance with joy.
I could expand upon my argument, but instead have decided to leave it there and really go to bed. The Canadian Tenors: you bring me joy. I just feel better about life and the world after seeing you. So I do apoligize. I know that it is long and it is tiring. But you do bring joy and hope. I heard a woman joke with her friends that she felt so uplifted and refreshed that maybe she could skip church on Sunday See, spreading that happy is your purpose and I am here to remind you of it in any way that I can.
Okay 2:10, and an early corporate morn tomorrow. For all of you that tune in regularly - I love you too.
I don't want tomorrow. Today was really nice. People valued me today. People loved me a bit too, I think. Nice, because I love them, so it was a lovely win-win.
But if I go to bed, and I should it is really, really late. My Canadian Tenors will have to fade back to a reality type situation. Never my favorite arrangement, don't you know. But I am going to bed to sleep and dream all the dreams that live within me.
For my boys. No. I am not sick of you seeing you Remi. Are you sick of seeing me? Maybe. Silly. Is one sick of a fine wine? An exquisite painting? Even the tiniest of variations in your performance gives me joy.
I can see you guys are tired and need a rest. JEFFREY please schedule in a rest. Our boys need a rest. All of us who love them will still be here after they rest and return to us refreshed. See? the joy of not having a fan base driven by teenage hormones. We will long for your return and reward your re-appearance with joy.
I could expand upon my argument, but instead have decided to leave it there and really go to bed. The Canadian Tenors: you bring me joy. I just feel better about life and the world after seeing you. So I do apoligize. I know that it is long and it is tiring. But you do bring joy and hope. I heard a woman joke with her friends that she felt so uplifted and refreshed that maybe she could skip church on Sunday See, spreading that happy is your purpose and I am here to remind you of it in any way that I can.
Okay 2:10, and an early corporate morn tomorrow. For all of you that tune in regularly - I love you too.
Friday, February 5, 2010
An Extra Gold Star Please!
So first attempt to workout may have been thwarted (how often do you get to use that word in a sentence?) But your girl refrained from the siren song of the Friday Martini, returned to the gym 30 minutes later and achieved a fine workout.
Now, briefly the second thing and then the loooong awaited martini.
My body feels weird. Now I know you all want me to say that it feels weird in a good way. But that wouldn't entirely be the truth. You see when you finally start paying attention and pushing the ole' bod. It really does'nt like it very much. So if you think it's been all sweetness and light and endorphins? No. Just no. Hardest thing I have ever done and tears from the pain and the despair always a blink or two away. This week the ankles are rebelling. And yesterday sucked wildly as I felt more than usually like a gorgon and despite 5 weeks of workout success and probably close to 20 pounds I felt hideously ugly and a useless lump of ogre dung. Today was better, not that it required much of a climb.
Today the reflection in the mirror and the fit of the clothes and the acuity of the mental function asserted the positive forward progress. And I did get to think "Jeepers, this much change in 5 weeks! What will 10 be like or 20 or 50?" We will see.
Now, briefly the second thing and then the loooong awaited martini.
My body feels weird. Now I know you all want me to say that it feels weird in a good way. But that wouldn't entirely be the truth. You see when you finally start paying attention and pushing the ole' bod. It really does'nt like it very much. So if you think it's been all sweetness and light and endorphins? No. Just no. Hardest thing I have ever done and tears from the pain and the despair always a blink or two away. This week the ankles are rebelling. And yesterday sucked wildly as I felt more than usually like a gorgon and despite 5 weeks of workout success and probably close to 20 pounds I felt hideously ugly and a useless lump of ogre dung. Today was better, not that it required much of a climb.
Today the reflection in the mirror and the fit of the clothes and the acuity of the mental function asserted the positive forward progress. And I did get to think "Jeepers, this much change in 5 weeks! What will 10 be like or 20 or 50?" We will see.
Terrorized and waiting for a machine
The big challenge of this very particular now is that I went down to the gym and for the first time in 5 weeks both elliptical trainers are occupied. Since I detest the bike and my joints are not yet ready for a work out on the treadmill of anywhere near the intensity I can get going on the elliptical, I came back upstairs. Dangerous choice because now I’m thinking about having a Friday night martini and skipping the workout. But not really. It became very evident to me today upon exiting the shower that my body has changed a lot in the last 23 workouts and I’ll be damned if having to wait 20 minutes for the machine is going to keep me from workout 24.
Two things are very much on my mind about that. First I am more then a little overwhelmed by the support everyone is showing. And quite honestly terrified. I don’t want to disappoint anyone and frankly am wishing I’d kept my mouth shut and tackled this incognito. Cause keeping my mouth shut is something I do soooo well. Quit laughing. Yet I wonder too if I’d have kept at it without friends and family past and present crawling out of the wood work and piping in with their words of support. I now even have friends checking my wall regularly to make sure that I’m still posting Year of Buff updates. Alright. Wish me luck. I am going downstairs again and hoping to get a machine. Put it out there to the universe that I do, okay? I'll get to the second thing AFTER I workout.
Two things are very much on my mind about that. First I am more then a little overwhelmed by the support everyone is showing. And quite honestly terrified. I don’t want to disappoint anyone and frankly am wishing I’d kept my mouth shut and tackled this incognito. Cause keeping my mouth shut is something I do soooo well. Quit laughing. Yet I wonder too if I’d have kept at it without friends and family past and present crawling out of the wood work and piping in with their words of support. I now even have friends checking my wall regularly to make sure that I’m still posting Year of Buff updates. Alright. Wish me luck. I am going downstairs again and hoping to get a machine. Put it out there to the universe that I do, okay? I'll get to the second thing AFTER I workout.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
And now I lay me down to sleep
I’m pretty certain that this post will be both brief and a bit dull. Though I did hear the Angels singing tonight while working out. Look out people, whole new obsession is born. Endorphins. Say after me, Endorphins.
I am tired. I am still battling the allergy thing. I did lots of good work. I wrote at lunch and the hour before guitar class. I thought too many thoughts today (as I am wont) but it was a great day. I played my show off piece for my guitar teacher tonight. For the first time I played GOOOD. It actually sounded really good. He was pleasantly surprised. I live to pleasantly surprise him. Harder then you might think as it involves, daily, me overcoming the resistance to the thought that I am not much of a musician. I can however dance. That I can do. So I set the fingers free to dance the steps and the sound comes out okay. Huh. Guess all that obsessive knitting and typing over the years has finally come in handy in a completely unexpected way.
Missed sharing Tuesday night yam fries with Sweet Potato though. Hope she is well and having fun on the island.
Talked with Hoosie way too late into the night but we just can't seem to shut up. Next time I'm setting the egg timer.
I almost tripped and fell I was in such a hurry to change and get to the gym. I get so stiff that I stagger to the water cooler all day, my eyes swell from some weird office allergen, but I am working out and I am writing and I am dreaming of glorious things, and beautiful men. And universe? At last count you owe me 22 memorable, juicy, amazing kisses from some really, really hot guys. That was the deal and you will pay.
I am tired. I am still battling the allergy thing. I did lots of good work. I wrote at lunch and the hour before guitar class. I thought too many thoughts today (as I am wont) but it was a great day. I played my show off piece for my guitar teacher tonight. For the first time I played GOOOD. It actually sounded really good. He was pleasantly surprised. I live to pleasantly surprise him. Harder then you might think as it involves, daily, me overcoming the resistance to the thought that I am not much of a musician. I can however dance. That I can do. So I set the fingers free to dance the steps and the sound comes out okay. Huh. Guess all that obsessive knitting and typing over the years has finally come in handy in a completely unexpected way.
Missed sharing Tuesday night yam fries with Sweet Potato though. Hope she is well and having fun on the island.
Talked with Hoosie way too late into the night but we just can't seem to shut up. Next time I'm setting the egg timer.
I almost tripped and fell I was in such a hurry to change and get to the gym. I get so stiff that I stagger to the water cooler all day, my eyes swell from some weird office allergen, but I am working out and I am writing and I am dreaming of glorious things, and beautiful men. And universe? At last count you owe me 22 memorable, juicy, amazing kisses from some really, really hot guys. That was the deal and you will pay.
Monday, February 1, 2010
I am so Fracking lucky
Check out a post on the CityCinderellas blog of one of my new friends - she does make me laugh - do watch all the way...
http://bit.ly/buEoSH
http://bit.ly/buEoSH
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)