Love. Go figure.

I can’t say that I would give up this past week, if you were to offer. But it certainly hasn’t been comfortable. Not in sleep or waking. Eating or driving. Typing or brushing my hair. Every thing conspiring, asking pushing prodding, tripping and smacking. No, comfortable it was not. Now even, sitting typing. He’s reading. Too late, too much wine, too many things said that can’t be unsaid. Ah there we are. Just when you think that maybe what you thought you were talking about maybe wasn’t at all what you thought it was.  “I’ll go brush my teeth,” I say, “ Then I’ll apologize.” Apologize for what you ask? No frackin idea. Yet it was there somehow.

Anyway, he said I had to ask, so I did. Didn’t want to. I’m nosy enough by the light of day, am I not? Yet it seems he wants me to push, to ask. He answers honestly and passionately and poetically and fully when I do.  But he says I must ask. So I do. Past my line of comfort. Certainly miles past propriety as such things are measured. Such a gift to have him here.  Such a flashpoint for revelations about so many things. So easy. So very joyful in waking and in snoring. Which for the record, we both do, he never more than right now as I type, late into the early morning.  Profoundly uncomfortable and yet so easy and familiar, how can such a friendship be? Well. I suppose all I can offer up, is just when you think life can’t surprise you, it does. And no matter how hard and far you run from loving people and needing them, you really just can’t. I had the strangest week watching someone fall in love. I don’t believe in it you know. Love. Never have, never will. Yet here I am writing a romantic comedy. Here I am watching a man fall in love with a woman 3000 miles away, and yet she is present in every moment, waking and sleeping. I must confess I’ve been watching with an almost morbid fascination. I thought I’d seen this before. No. Not like this.  I’m puzzled and humbled and profoundly befuddled. It makes me really happy and dreadfully lonely all mixed up together.

So I’ll go drop a blanket on my exhausted Knight of Cups, kiss his brow if I think I can get away with it, and take myself to bed. Alone, and yet not. Sad and yet happy. Sleepy and yet buzzing with energy. Love. Interesting. Guess maybe I should give it some thought. It has been a wonderful week. Maybe, just maybe, I’m starting to believe. Just a little bit. I’ll let you know.