This has got to be the ultimate in frustration. Writing for no purpose but to try and clear some crap out of my head. I have two blogs I should be posting to a stage play a novel a screen play and a TV series all that require attention. Not to mention followup with a bunch of people of varying walks of the biz who would like to talk to me about their project. My head is full of a bunch of thoughts that I can’t keep straight. I’m annoyed by the over sexed album cover peering at me from my Itunes app. Some thick lipped teenager trying to look mysterious and seductive and failing horribly in my book. There - fixed by the luscious lads of my desk top.
I feel like I’m trying to fix myself and then I get mad at myself for thinking I need fixing. I try to self medicate and self analyze till the cows come home and yet still can’t shake this feeling of failure and lethargy. I could call it being bored and lonely and yet the last thing I want to DO is anything and if anyone contacts me I’m afraid it’ll set me off on a rant. I’m afraid to read my email or check my blog equally because there will be nothing new and also because there might be someone wanting something from me.
This is almost writing as punishment as I watch the clock tick to 7 and know that there is only one show on TV tonight that I want to watch (True Blood) at 8 and so if I can just do my two pages of blather I can at least say that I read, wrote and danced today. Might even get in a half hour of guitar practice. So strange to me that in a year of pretty big wins career wise that I’m moping around cause the next one hasn’t arrived yet. Which is an email from the Mentor confirming what a brilliant and funny writer I am and how she can’t wait to get my contract as staff writer for her new series signed. (which is completely my fantasy by the way, not her actual offer) Sigh. I even paused in this writing to check my email and blog just in case. Nope. Though interesting enough The Teachers want to publish some of our writing in an anthology - funny how those two continually surprise me with things about writing that I never thought of. Sure and it will force me to review the lessons learned and go over the exercises again so that is gotta help this malaise. Though really interesting to me how many of us have been stricken with the “can’t get out of bed” thing post cruise. One of the Teachers and I have had flu. The Mentor said she just slept for two days and The Empress has had major back pain.
The twilight is falling and I’m not watching so excuse me while I take a few moments to watch the shadows gather. So, is that all it takes? A beautiful twilight, a glass of wine and some pasta? Now I feel super and all is right with the world. Except for the fact that I didn’t do my Raingirls beat sheet. But I did read widely: The Black Swan, Women Who Run With Wolves, The Vampire Diaries and Successful Television Writing. I did shower. Don’t laugh, some days that is huge accomplishment for me. I danced, I wrote, and I put two loads thru the dishwasher. Tomorrow I may even get the two weeks of mail out of my mailbox and take out the garbage. Please wish me luck with that – especially the taking out the garbage thing.
ROTFL. A therapist once recommended Women Who Run with Wolves. I may or may not have bought it. I bought something which still languishes on my shelves, somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI think she was trying to get me into bed.
I think everyone is trying to get me into bed.
I should go back into therapy.
Hah, no what? I also was recommended and couldn't get past intro. At a very different place in my life now. Love the combo of the academic intellectual and the mystical, plus the idea the myths are for our healing. Currently is making serious sense to me.
ReplyDelete