Well, so here we are again. Hump day. Can’t believe its only Wednesday. If memory serves, somewhere around here is the most depressed day of the year, statistically speaking. Yep, that was this past Monday. The third Monday of January. Gotta say I was a rough and rainy one, that’s for sure. Hauling it out of bed was truly a Herculean effort. That then makes this the longest week of the year. I’ve had three people say to me within the last 24 hours “I can’t believe its only…” Yep. It’s only.
Today comparatively is superb. Though I feel like I’m getting a head cold. So that is fascinating too, that I am more energetic than I’ve been in weeks, and happier, and yet sneezy, runny nose, sore throat thing coming along at the same time.
Still riding the endorphin rush from guitar lesson last night. The hour post guitar is the happiest of my week I think. I really feel good about myself and my life afterward. Which is really superb and yet kinda annoying because then I stay up too late for a Tuesday because I’m having too much fun to go to bed. And of course the endorphin rush doubled cause I went to the gym as soon as I got home. So who’s the big squishy butted writer now, hey? Well. I still am of course but I rode the guitar endorphins wave right downstairs to the gym and then caught another one by actually working out. Very different behavior for me. And even though I am a bit short on sleep and scratchy throated today I am walking without a limp for the first time in three weeks. Can it be that the working out is finally starting to pay some dividends? Please, please say that its so.
Thinking a lot about time today. And sorry do love all of you married women types with kids but if one more of you tells me that I’m “lucky” that I have time to write or “lucky” I have time to learn the guitar I just might haul off and pop you in the nose. Thing is kids we all have several things that are absolutely the same for you and me. We both have 24 hours in a day and we both have to live with the choices that we have made. You chose to be a wife and mother. I did not. You have to live with your choice and I have to live with mine. “Luck” has nothing to do with it. And I should point out the hundreds of thousands of women – wives and mothers – that have written gagillions of words. Somehow they make the choice to find the time. Their kids too seem to grow up with a fairly normal blend of function/dysfunction as those of you who choose not to find the time to write. Or go to the gym or play guitar. You know what? Be an example to your kid and do those things if that is what you want. Let them learn along with you or learn that Mummy is an individual and her needs are just as important as yours. I think maybe they will be better men and women for understanding that.
This rant inspired by the fact that I am trying to fully comprehend how MY needs have not been met so I use food to cope instead. For example, I need to telecommute during the Olympics as the stress of commuting will be horrific. Not to mention that the type of work I do will actually move faster if I do it at home with less distraction. But I procrastinated over “asking” if that would be okay, because it is really important to me, only to find out that it was decided at a meeting I wasn’t at, that it was assumed already that I would be. So I stressed MYSELF out over asking to have my needs met, oddly in order to do a better job. I dunno, is it really that Catholic guilt thing that it has to hurt in order to serve others. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I will get twice the quality work done in half the time, plus preserving my health and sanity and I was AFRAID to ask. Sorry for shouting at you.
One last thought on the time thing. Yah, I have it and maybe you don’t. But don’t ever forget what you do have that I don’t. You have love. Wanna trade?
You have love.
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